Yesterday i finally felt okay- for the first time in a while. But i remembered that smile that you reserved for me a long time ago and I crumbled at 4 am in the morning.

I still love you.

It’s no longer a crushing pain when the thought flits by my brain and straight through my soul. 

Just a passing reminder.

Like flipping through your binder

but instead of it saying that there’s an exam- it say on your hearts footnotes

that you still occupy a large place there- the living room lamp is still on. it still looks homey from the outside… and it always fucking  will.

I keep the memory of you holding me and smiling at me so intimately clutched to me everyday. I am absolutely selfish about my memories of you

I dread the day that my birthday comes and you ignore me like I know you will.

Shame

He had this way of kissing me that made me feel light headed and drunk with fervour. It brought me to my knees.

you were right.

you predicted that I might get tired of you
pissing the bed.

Goddamn- you were right.

Well, fuck

I just realized...

You're Dorian Grey.

That's a little fucked up.

I'm pretty sure you've written me

off in your mind as crazy, I guess that's the 

only way you can deal with the reality of your

selfishness.